WHEN IS

namaste' kindred:

it is has been some time since i shared my thoughts.  so how has everyone been?  i pray you embrace your change with grace, diligence, freedom and last but not least, LOVE.

WHEN IS......

so i was witnessing someone on and in the process of celebrating their anniversary.  there was another women who was having an anniversary as well but could not celebrate with her love due to extenuating circumstances.  i will get straight to the point.  how can we be so numb to feeling some one else who is in pain, especially in our joy?  I am in no certain terms suggesting that we relinquish our joy for their pain but to be mindful and considerate that all experiences are valid.  there is a balance between celebrating your joy and empathizing with someone who is not joyous.  it is called compassion!  we must be compassionate with one another.  considerate. aware. alert. neighborly.

maybe if we barter with universe things would clear up for us ALL.  let's barter hurt for healing, pain for purpose, anger for peace, clutter for cleanliness.  these are mere examples but they still impede our journey.  i am now more comfortable with my life challenges and i do have battles with the scars that others attempt to leave on me. i too am a work in progess. G_d's love is my salve, ointment, elixir, balm, tourniquet, medicine, and my band aid.  i have to just ingest, apply, and let it work.

are we wrong for wanting more?  NAH!  when you miss sight of your blessings are you saying "no thank you" to the universe?  are we saying we don't deserve better?  many of us hold ourselves hostage.  we don't grab our potential blessings.  most people know whether they can be with a person once they start to spend quality time with them.  we sometimes get into the role of becoming like bounty paper towels "the quicker picker upper/fixer upper".  we CAN NOT fix ANYONE.  they must submit to whatever it is that is holding them hostage and give it to G_d.  only G_d can fix them but they must be willing to put in the work.  even after raising children we can not fix them.  now while our souls alarm has rung and said NO this is not the person/job/ opportunity for you why do we go further.  why are we allowing others to block our potential?  could it be because we have become accustomed to not having?

these are a lot of questions; yes i know but sit and ask yourself?  look in the mirror and ask yourself.  am i deserving of better?  do i truly want better?  only you can answer this and if you can not at this time  i suggest you go deeper.  so MANY people scared me from the idea of marriage.  i was listening to people who were coming to me for advice on their relationships (me the woman who was the spiritual dumping ground for ALL OF MY RELATIONSHIPS).  lied to, lied on, and blah blah blah.  i'm sure all of us women and men alike can attest to the pain associated with betrayal.  i was a waste land amid LIFE.  ironic i know but TRUE nonetheless.  there were people who were/are in relationships for years and here they come with their personal dramas as  i was embarking on taking a chance on LOVE YET AGAIN.  straight confusion and G_d is not the author of such.  after years of becoming accustomed to someone's scent, mannerisms, etc.,  i GAVE UP and LOVE CAME BACK TO VISIT with me yet again.LOVE CAME BACK and TOOK ME OVER.  but the enemy of my life which is the opposite of who i am came and disguised my helping people as a tool to get me to NOT BELIEVE AGAIN.  my thought was how in the world am i going to make it if these people can't even get it together?  why am i being approached with these issues?  where were these people when "my man" left me?  i had a real break through.

have you been there?  been in a place where you are fighting for your survival and here comes your kryptonite? the very thing i was BEAT UP WITH and was fearful of (LOVE) was being threatened with others haphazard ways.  i had to SEPARATE myself from the venom that was leaking from their tongues.  THEY HAD NO CLUE that they were being used to slow my PROCESS and to explain it to them would be to no avail.  sometimes beloved you will know when you will not have to explain yourself.  YOU WILL JUST MOVE.  cut people off, jobs off, thought processes off.  YOU WILL HAVE TO GET FREE.  you can sit and pacify a person and their ego but in the long run joy is for everyone but only those who receive it will live with it.  so in other words if a person is not sucking life out of you then they will eventually find someone else to suck life from. 

it was terrifying to me because i AM/WAS a people PLEASER. it's a balancing act.  i have to figure out if pleasing someone will help or hinder me and my growth.   i cared what everyone felt and i want good for them all.  BELOVED IF I DON'T WANT GOOD FOR MYSELF, what else MATTERS?  PLEASE I  ask you to WANT better for yourself.  you so deserve it.  do not insult G_d when blessings are given you.  ACCEPT them ALL... everyone.  so tell me...

WHEN IS